Women’s rules for husbands, fiancés, et al

What women expect from men

It’s International Women’s Day! Time to celebrate women achievers in India and the world. Time to shout out loud, “Yes, we can! Yes, we can be achievers; yes, we can decide what we want to be; yes, we can live our lives the way we want to; yes, we can remind the world at least once a year that women form half of the world’s population, they work hard inside the home and outside to support and raise families, and they deserve as much appreciation and respect as men do; and yes, that we can expect the men in our lives to observe a few rules too. Right ladies?

So let’s tell the world what women expect from men. Now guys, don’t make a face, thinking: Women,  they’re always complaining about stuff. Haven’t men been making rules for women to obey ever since God knows when? Yeah, yeah, we know, since the beginning of time, there have also been men who have always treated women as equals. But at the same time, we can’t deny how men and women, husbands and wives, still keep misinterpreting what the other expects from them. And anyway, men have already been given an opportunity to have their say. Now it’s the turn of the ladies.

Here are a handful, sorry, a long list, of women’s rules for husbands, fiancés, et al. (Found some of them online, then threw in some of my own!)

Women’s rules for men

• Admiring is good. Ogling is bad.
• Don’t look at us as if we’re morons when we change our mind. We often change our mind. It’s something genetic.
• We like to shop, like it or not.
• Don’t ever lie to us; we always find out.
• If you’re in a bad mood, we’re going to assume it’s our fault. So, tell us what’s bothering you.
• When we say we need to talk, that’s exactly what we mean. Don’t assume we want to nag you about something, and shy away from discussing things that are important to us.
• We are not nags, it’s just that you never do what we ask the first time.
• Pay attention. We like to give clues. “John and Anjali went to Switzerland for a holiday” means “Why don’t you ever take us somewhere nice too?”
• If you ask us where we’d like to go on a date, don’t pout when we tell you our preference.
• Would it kill you to mark our birthday, anniversary, and Valentine’s Day on your calendar?
• Yes, it’s true. Sometimes we like to call up and talk about nothing. Get used to it.
• We will always think we’re fat. Would it kill you to tell us we’re not? And by the way, if you would compliment us off and on, we would stop asking you if we look fat.
• Understand that tit-for-tat doesn’t mean anything dirty. It just means for every wrestling match, cricket match, Formula One Race, etc. you watch on TV, we get to watch Desperate Housewives, Home Improvement, Sa Re Ga Ma Pa, or whatever it is we’re in the mood to watch.
• When you answer us while you’re watching television, at least turn your head in our direction.
• If you ask us what’s wrong and we say nothing, ask us again. And this time, look sincere.
• When we come to you with a problem, listening in silence, or pretending to listen with a fake concerned expression on your face is not what we expect. We expect help in solving the problem.
• If we are crying, that doesn’t make us drama queens. It means we’re upset about something, and just need to be comforted.
• Showing emotion is good for you too. It does not make you weak, it makes you human.
• Don’t tell your woman you love her if you don’t. We like honesty. But if you do love her, tell her. As often as possible.
• We like our men to dress well. And stay in shape.
• If you develop a pot belly, wearing loose shirts to cover it up won’t do. Start exercising.
• Learn to put the lid of the toilet seat down. It’s easier than learning to say A, B, C…
• Believe it or not, you’re NOT more attractive when you’re reeking of sweat.
• If we don’t laugh at your jokes, it doesn’t mean we don’t get it. We get it. It means they’re not funny.
• Quit cribbing about your boss. Find another job.
• Pick your wife at the airport if she asks you to. Don’t whine. Just do it.
• No one dies of a cold.
• On the other hand, Pre-Menstrual Syndrome is a medically recognized condition. It’s not just something in our heads.
• Making excuses for being an ass is bad. Learning how to admit you were wrong and apologise – that’s good.
• So when no one’s home, stand in front of a mirror and practice this until you can say it in public: “I was wrong.” After you’ve mastered that, work on, “I’m sorry.”
• If you compare us to your mother, we’ll compare you to our father. And you’ll come up short.
• Don’t expect us to remember your mother’s birthday, every time, and remind you umpteen times to call her. And even expect us to buy the gift.
• When you’re going to be home late, call. Not because we expect to know why, but because we care for you.
• We’ll never bug you to stop and ask for directions if you’ll just figure out in advance how to get where we’re going.
• Real men don’t feel awkward about doing the dishes, cooking, dusting, babysitting…
• And we like not just sensitive, well-mannered men, but also men who show their wives respect, and can stand up for themselves and us.
• When we talk about women’s rights, you shrug and say ‘the rules are never fair’. So don’t fume about our list of rules being longer than yours. Think about this. We have to go through back-breaking labour pains, while you get to just sit in the waiting room on your posterior. That balances everything.

Aah… that felt good. Did I leave out anything? Oh yes, we understand that holding the TV remote in your hand gives you a sense of incredible power. But you know what? We don’t care if you cling to the remote, and want to be the one who decides what to watch on TV. As long as WE get to decide the more important stuff. Like which location we should consider for our next house, what colour to paint the rooms, what you should wear when you’re accompanying us anywhere, whom we can invite home for dinner… OK, I’ll stop here.

Ladies, feel free to add some of your rules to the heap. It’s Women’s Day after all. Our day in the sun. So… carpe diem!